Premise

These essays are nothing more than an attempt to invoke thought or humor and by no means are the beliefs of the author. When I first obtained a smart phone in 2015 on Christmas, I experimented with my extremely slow pick and peck tactics to try and write an idea in text. Being in construction my whole life (43 years at the time), I haven’t picked up a pen to formulate a story since my night school, college days. My career only required my back and my hands, guided by experience, to grind out a living. Thus, my computer skills paralleled those of a thumbless jellyfish. Picking up that pancake thin wafer of technology, I started on an idea and began hunting the electronic keyboard for those elusive letters. Quickly I figured out that 2,000 characters was the maximum for a text message. That then became my limiting factor for my essays or story chapters. All the following outlandish ideas are within 14 characters of that limit. It forced the story to reach a conclusion in a set amount of content so that it was text-able. The vast majority of these questionable ideas are dark, anthropomorphic, ridiculous and peppered with political incorrectness. If these essays offend anyone, the 10% of the compassionate part of me apologizes, but the other 90% of my construction personality says, “too bad, get over it.” Any statistic used throughout was obtained from the internet. Don’t condemn my data if you spot inconsistencies, I work with what I have. Besides that, it’s just fiction, based on reasonably believable information, affectionately known as the truth. It was provided by the integrity filled Cloud of Clairity, and some misfiring synapses that will never get any better. Some stories may entertain you, while others will instill WTF responses that may question my thought process and grammar skills. Read on, if you wish, and remember that this is just a hobby that doesn’t tax my beaten-up body. I really don’t believe that you can get arthritis in your brain.  

            Just human,

            Dan Scholz

OIL BASED COWS

6/9/2021     Taking a terrain tour in rural Ahh-merica, the Beer Boys, known locally as Cisco and Poncho, after a 1950’s TV series that portrayed 2 Robin Hood type characters in a western backdrop, were on the prowl. Cisco, the flashier of the 2, was rubbernecking the farmlands, which surrounded the industrial city that the 2

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OIL BASED COWS II

6/9/2021 When carrying on extracurricular activities, such as “borrowing” plastic farm animals, certain rules apply. Daytime operations are a tad bit riskier as the number of witnesses raises exponentially with the time of day. Very early morning is usually reserved for people going to work so they are too busy trying to get there without

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