There’s a green iridescent rock that creates a lot of issues for creatures that were born on the planet Krypton. Long ago, Krypton, which was bathed in red giant sunlight, blew apart just after smart rocket scientists ejected their children in mini missiles off into the vastness of outer space. The ejecta of this exploding planet later became poisonous to the former inhabitants who survived their treacherous ordeals. What kind of civilization sends off little, dependent children in metal pipes with a single window in it so the little fuckers can witness the harshness of their parental abandonment? Flying away at Mach 40 with only 2 diapers and 1 bottle of formula aboard, the traumatized tikes have to quickly learn how to control their understocked phyllac symbol transportation toilet while zipping through radiation-infested space. However, due to Galactic environmental guidelines enforced on all occupants of Andromeda, this high-speed ship lacked a toilet that flushed the waste outside. Everything stayed in. Add to this, no entertainment, little food, and years of confinement, and you’ll get an idea of just how pissed off Kryptonians can get. Superman and his cousin Supergirl (can’t bang that bitch or super retards will appear), were both hurled to the Milky Way Galaxy (2.5 million light years away) and landed on earth. Also, a man who hated his family was about to climb aboard his own escape pod, but the family mutt jumped in and hit the launch button, leaving that brilliant asshole physicist behind. What are the odds? Anyway, the 3 of them ended up on earth with a yellow sun and developed superpowers. They then became famous heroes. BULLSHIT! Their superpowers came from an anger-filled life of rejection and resentment and are constantly secreting adrenaline, thereby increasing enhanced organ functions. These dysfunctional dorks await the great day when a chunk of their old planet lands in their yard and kills them dead. THANK YOU!
Torked Truth 