TP. 88 THE MOON

Data distributed by approved scientists specify that our moon is 225,623 miles away from earth at perigee (closest) and 252,088 miles from earth at apogee (farthest). This is bullshit. The real distance is about 8,000 miles away, and the moon is much smaller than we are led to believe. The reason for this deception is that the moon is really an ancient flying saucer populated by little “Aliens” that were here first. Their broken ship, known as LUNA, was composed of neutron star material, and its high density accounts for its ability to control the tides on earth. With a layer of rock and dust covering the crippled vessel, it is forever (well almost) tidally locked into an orbit that allows humans to only view 1 face of LUNA. We can never see the spacecrafts exiting and entering the supply garage doors on the dark side. The small Aliens are constantly flying down to earth to steal supplies in their mirrored space ships, which makes them invisible. Only Stellar’s Sea-Eagles with their unique offset vision can pick up their movements through a process known as Angular Distortion Interpretation (ADI). These Aliens have been stealing materials to try and get their marooned ship back in working order. However, they lack neutron star extradense matter that is required to fix the big piece of shit. They have been stuck here for millions of years and have slowly evolved into a species who don’t really give a crap and just pilfer odds and ends from homeowners’ houses when they are not looking. So odds are when you are missing something and you can not find it, it was probably stolen by the little pricks. The only thing you can do to protect yourself from this crime is to buy a Stellar’s Sea-Eagle with certified ADI and catch the little bastards red-handed. This author knows where to acquire them. Include cash and a cash handling fee to obtain one of these rare and unique creatures that’ll stomp out Alien thievery and the inconveniences that they create.