Elmer Schuckendorf was introduced to a brand new lifestyle that he has never admitted to before. Well into his 80s and now beating the odds for longevity, he smirked at the memories of all those friends and family that he outlived. Elmer thinks about their current occupation as either an underground worm barn or a canister of kitty litter. So far, Mr. Schuckendorf avoided death by having the right genes that didn’t turn his blood cells into flowing saw blades that slices through his blood vessels. After that, it becomes a calcified cement that blocks the flow to the heart muscle and causes a fatal work stoppage known as: the gripper. Elmer’s genes also prevented the formation of a clone organ that grows like crazy but does no work. That’s similar to his fat, lazy neighbor Bud, that watches TV all day while his weeds overtake Elmer’s golf course grass. Cancer wasn’t part of the Schuckendorf clan, so now Elmer missed 2 bullets. However, Elmer’s gait is slipping, and early stages of Parkinsons and an enlarged prostate are creeping in. His diet is all about small amounts of smooshed fruit and vegetables, and Elmer gave up alcohol 25 years ago, so he could hit 100. In the supermarket, Elmer heard that distinctive anal queef that just released a lava flow of pulverized poop within his tighty-whiteys.
They redirected the warm flow all over his stagnant scrotum that hadn’t been used since he gave up alcohol. No worries. Elmer’s squeezed urethra has just been released, and a pint of 98.6°F. urine is about to dribble all over his useless reproduction sac. Luckily, Elmer’s Parkinson starts to quiver his right leg, and the organic dam broke and now flows down his legs and onto the floor. CLEAN UP ON AISLE 7. For a normal human, this would be a major embarrassment, but Elmer just got his first taste of Alzheimers and does not know or care about the mess he made. Elmer Schuckendorf has officially graduated to zombie status. He is the limping, stinking dead.
Torked Truth 