With 35 species of rabbits under the family of Leporidae, this little wascle has but 3 goals in its wild form: to eat, run, and reproduce. Life expectancy in the Great Outdoors is roughly 1-3 years, while domesticated versions kept as pets can go 8-12 years with an occasional 15-year-old teenagerian still living in a cage. Farmed rabbits are raised for fur, meat, and science experiments because being a passive mammal allows another mammal (us) the privilege of exposing them to toxins to see how they affect the many organs of the mammal anatomy. A little known fact about rabbits is that they were responsible for continental drift eons ago. Their hopping around caused the cratons to slip and collide and then, later, separated the Supercontinents: Pangea, Gondwana, and Pannonia to break apart. They are now employed by the Rotation Nation Station (RNS) to fine tune the speed of the Earth. Situated at elevation 300 at the South Pole, this secret installation was built when Earth had no ice caps and the water level was 260′ higher than today’s sea level. With 9,300′ of ice above the South Pole, the RNS is concealed nearly 2 miles down. Standing on top of this location takes exactly 1 day to make a full revolution in a 24-hour period and is calibrated daily to maintain perfect FedEx deliveries. If slight time discrepancies are detected, a signal is issued to one of four colonies of rabbits that will start sprinting and impart a torque on the earth to either slow or speed up the earth’s spin, and bring the atomic clock located there back in sync. The signal is sent via Extremely Low Frequency (ELF) waves, and select groups of rabbits can pick up these signals via their long ears. With computers, the gang at RNS can orchestrate the rabbits to get that speed precisely right. Rabbits are not just cute; they get shit done. They serve mankind without pay or fanfair so that humans can get their Wartmart and Armazon crap right on time.
Torked Truth 