After a traditional Western wedding occurs, anniversaries with suggestive names like: PAPER, WOOD, and STEEL are celebrated every year for the first 15 years and, after that, at every 5 year interval up to 75 years because odds are good that both humans hitched are dead. Did you notice that husband and wife were not mentioned? Gotta keep up with the times. In America, the divorce rate for 1st marriages is 40-50%, second marriages hover in the 60-67% range, and a 3rd amalgamation is at 73%. However, nothing is celebrated over these dissolutions. That is bullshit. Marriage is a commitment by 2 people to chase some lofty dream that takes place in a world that contains lazy, lying, and greedy humans that are looking for a free ride in life. With these parameters, it’s no wonder people get duped, but heh? Everybody has to try something at least once. The fact that divorce failure rates increase with multiple attempts is an indication that an ample amount of humans are not designed for the prison-like life that it demands. Marriage is a compromise, and if you are not wired for this existence, then get divorced. Every year thereafter, you need to celebrate this illustrious institution just like a marriage. Hellmark greeting cards, headquartered in East St. Louis, Illinois puts out a fine array of congratulatory cards with emotional phrases such as: The best days of my life started the day I divorced you, BITCH/BASTARD! Or, Drop dead soon, ya goon. The choices are endless. Along with cards and candy, the anniversaries are labeled with themes just like wedding anniversaries. The first is FECAL, the second is DRAMA, the 3rd is PSYCHO. After that, 5 year increments occur with the themes revolving around the divorced person’s physical and personality disorders such as: BEDWETTER, FAT ASS, DUMB FUCK, and a multitude of other embarrassing traits.
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