Situated on the northwest portion of the Black Hills of Southwestern South Dakota and Northeastern Wyoming resides a unique rock formation known as Devil’s Tower. This 867′ tall columnar creation sits on a 400′ conical pedestal and rises to 5112′ above sea level on an elevated, wedge plain. Its significance goes back in history as early aborigines told stories of its creation through Folklore. Today’s explanation through science is that it was a volcanic extrusion underground that became exposed over eons of time and left the iconic weather resistant rock exposed as you see it today. This would be analogous to an old man who ate an entire box of Fig Newtons and died right after. The expulsion process of a bowel movement carried out by automatic body functions would have pushed the stool out, and when the clothes of the face down cadaver wore away, the vertical, fibrous, petrified material would be visible just like Devil’s Tower. What? You don’t like this analogy. It contains the word: “anal” within it. Dah. Humans, like dung beetles, like to climb on top of shit and this phallic symbol attracts all the macho climbers. It was first conquered in 1893 by 2 ranchers who built a ladder to the top as they ascended. The first technical climb occurred in 1937 by 3 men who used only 1 piton on the ascent. Today, thousands of climbers know what the top looks like, and 6 know what the bottom looks like fast, after falling to their deaths. The record is 18 minutes or roughly 50’/minute. This seems unrealistic as normal times are 4-6 hours per ascent. I think it was a Red Bull promotion by a nut case who threw caution to the wind and strapped on a camouflaged jet pack. Bullshit on top of shit is the new marketing ploy.
Torked Truth 
Your analogy of this is scientific subnobsis is incorrect. I have eaten many of boxes if fig newtons and never once shit my pants, let alone died. I will wait for your official retraction.
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