Mr. Ryan Bartell was at his favorite watering hole consuming the elixer of love and eying up the adorned ungulates who gathered around the same trough. Ryan was in his prime form as his 28-year-old physique was well chiseled. He had outgrown his adolescent absurdities and was advanced enough in his trade that a couple of extra dollars lay dormant in his tubby wallet. It was game on. Mr. Bartell only had an interest in cornering 1 of those fine fillies who just got off of work and were looking to find Mr. Right to rescue them from a lifetime of 9 to 5 nonsense. Mr. Bartell’s goal was a bit more shallow in that he was looking to internally stab these creatures with his directional compass needle known as a penis. His quarry sported baby bladders just above their groins that produced behavior anomalies that were hard to predict. There was a slight difference in the 2 creatures’ intentions. As Ryan spilled down the inhibition killer cocktails, he finally got up and approached the ungulate sporting a camel toe that he deemed to be an easy conquest. WRONG! That one saw the predatory facial forecast and sprinted for door, leaving behind a trail of pheromones that poisoned poor Ryan’s receptors. Left to his failing survival instincts, he targeted a heavily facial made up gazelle that qued him over with a smile. Simple sentences and inquiries that anal-ized his net worth drew him into the suction of reproductio, and soon Ryan was at the beck and call of the goofy gazelle without an escape plan. The pregnancy was confirme, and with 4 life hardened parents on Ryan’s back, he succumbed and married the treacherous leach. Layers of fat covered the new parents over the decades until finally, its life choking grip grabbed Ryan’s stressed heart and silenced its beats. Thirteen people showed up at his funeral as his imprisoned soul finally found freedom. Mr. Ryan Bartell Jr. was at his favorite watering hole consuming the elixer of love……
Torked Truth 