In the last half million years, the blue, green, and white Planet Earth playground has been trampled by a number of Hominids, including a species known as Neanderthal. Their lineage goes back 350,000 years, and the last “pure” Neanderthal went extinct 40,000 years ago. So what happened? Scientists conjecture that it was a combination of influences that brought about their demise, including diseases, violence, co-species competition, environmental pressures, and good old, stupid inbreeding. However, they missed 1 crucial bit of information that sheds new light on their disappearance from the Blue Marble. It seems that the Neanderthals had shorter, more flexible necks and a hunched over stance that gave the males oral access to their own penises. The klan members soon socialized by sitting around the edge of farm fields and in caves just killing time performing “circle sucks.” With their senses engaged in getting themselves off and their vision blocked by their groins, they were easy targets of Woolly Mamouths and Saber Tooth Cats. With the men satisfying themselves in caves, the big cats bit into their exposed spinal chords, and paralysis and death soon followed. The Saber Tooth Gang then helped themselves to the easily eaten women and children. Outside, the Woollys who were herbivores just walked over to the tube tooters and revengingly crushed their hunting enemies. Genetic diversity waned because nature allowed the men to blow themselves at any opportunity. When the up and cumming Homo Sapiens started to gain momentum, BLOW JOBS were delegated to the women who gave them out only when THEY deemed them absolutely necessary. The Sapiens survived and flourished while the Neanderthals went the way of the Dodo birds: EXTINCT. The very few Sapiens who can give themselves head always test positive for Neanderthal genetic markers. Care must be taken to eliminate this trait or else the Homo Sapiens might follow suit.
Torked Truth 