NORTHERN LATITUDES

6/12/2019

Currently the Northern Hemisphere (NH) contains 68% of the total land surface on earth and houses 90% of the total population of 7.3 billion people. Along with the greater land mass comes more dense rock and elevations that can exceed up to 6 miles higher than sea level. The same level that the majority of the Southern Hemisphere is comprised of. The majority of the land-based mammals are also in the NH, especially those raised as a protein source. Although most life is 50% or more water, the denser fauna has more mass. If you dispute this, merely throw any mammal in a lake. If it doesn’t start flailing its appendages immediately, it will sink and drown, proving it is heavier than water. With all this extra weight on the top half of our planet, it’s no wonder that our spinning sphere is out of balance. This creates stresses on our planet in the form of earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, and volcanic eruptions. All this commotion could be avoided by balancing our planet. Merely take boatloads of people and their favorite foods like one-ton cows and ship them off to Tahiti or Madagascar. Store all the heavy elements like lead, tungsten, gold and plutonium down in Australia and release all the hydrogen and helium in Greenland. Increase the mass of Antarctica by pumping sea water onto the land with snow making machines creating huge glaciers. The excess water from the North will flow to the Southern seas thus putting the planet into equalibrium. Once this is attained, the weather will become predictable and property damage claims will cease. Best of all, the life expectancy of humans should increase at least 20%. Without earthquakes, or volcanoes killing people directly, the other advantage will be that lacking vibrations, people will not fall to the ground. Shattered pelvises that lead to inactivity and eventual death will lessen but not disappear. The second leading cause of death in older, retired humans is known as falling off a bar stool.

One comment

  1. Bar stools can kill or severely maim. They are to be avoided but let’s face it, sometimes there is no other seating option at your favorite watering hole. So what to do? Come prepared. I have found that there are several options to save yourself from the embarrassment and injury of barstool falls. Invest in a heavy duty pair of rubber gloves. Playtex sells a good , sturdy type with good gripping surface. If you suddenly feel that the stool is in tipping mode, ( making sure that you are wearing the gloves ), grab hold of the edge of the bar and hang on while announcing that if it weren’t for the goddam Corona virus you wouldn’t have to protect yourself while going out in public. If that isn’t an option, as you begin to fall off the stool, turn to the stool occupant next to you and scream ,” Why you drunk son- of -a- bitch, what do you think you’re doing, asshole”?!! It works every time unless there is no one sitting next to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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