In a 2-part invasion of Baltimore, Maryland on September 12-15, 1814, the British infantry landed at Northpoint in an attempt to march into the city, and either capture, or burn, it. The Royal Navy, after dropping off the troops, set sail for Baltimore to shell the city from the harbor. Blocking their path was Fort McHenry, a star shaped coastal fortification protecting the harbor entrance. With no direct military orders to take the city, the British admiral decided to go conservative and stay beyond the 1.5-mile range of the fort’s cannons. He then opened fire for 25 hours straight, shelling the installation with 2-mile range mortars, and 1.75-mile range Congreve rockets, from the warships. Without rifling on the mortars and ship mounted rockets, the accuracy was appalling. Only 4 people died at McHenry in an entire day. Having launched the entire arsenal, the Admiral picked up the
troops and sailed away. A 35-year-old lawyer, Francis Scott Key, who observed the melee from a British warship, wrote a 4-stanza poem about the event. The first stanza became the words to the STAR-SPANGLED Banner and was adopted to become our national anthem in 1931. This 200 year plus poem written by a man trained in elusive, vague, and arguable English, about a minor skirmish needs some modernization. A committee has been appointed to court the best hip hop and rap artists America has to offer, the likes of Fitty Sense and Snoop Cat. With full government support, and endless Hollywood clout, America will soon enjoy its new national anthem being played at all major venues throughout the country. Picture a filled-to-capacity stadium with hordes of patriotic Americans with their pants down to their knees, hats on backwards, hands on their groins, bopping and weaving, and shouting in unison: MUDDAFUKKA, MUDDAFUKKA, MUDDAFUKKA, SKANK! The tears of unbridled pride will gush, and a confidence of unparalleled proportions will gleam from all Americans. GOD BLESS U.S.!! 

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