GAS STATION CUISINE

11/22/2018

Upon completion of filling up the thirsty steed at the gas pump with a mixture of gasoline and ethanol, you finish and head off to the attached convenient store. Years ago, consideration dictated that you’d park the vehicle in designated stalls and walk in. Today after running up a $50 bill on fuel, you are now poised to park in front of the pump for 50 minutes. Modern etiquette demands a dollar a minute. Using Credit Cards to pay for everything, including a small order of fries at McDonald’s because of the points, you only head into the store driven by thirst, hunger, or a sudden urge to piss in your pants. Depending on the caliber of the convenience store attached, you may be facing Abdul’s smoking paraphernalia and alcohol laden coolers or a full-blown supermarket full of sugars and fats. In the latter, aisle after aisle is chocked full of chemicalized, preservative laden crap that patiently awaits its turn to stick to your artery walls. The SUZY Q’s lie in wait for its next victim dumb enough to walk this vascular glue over to the check-out line. Consisting of 2 slabs of sugar-infested devil’s food cake cemented together with a lethal dose of CRISCO vegetable oil, this delectable treat can gum up an Abrams tank in 10 minutes flat. CRISCO, an acronym for crystalized cottonseed oil was invented as a cheap substitute for animal fat used for making candles and soap. TASTY, when you throw in a boatload of sugar. Wash this down with 12 ounces of Mountain dew soda with 46 grams of sugar and you have a receipt for road rage. Luckily, the better stores now have fruits at the check-out aisles that promote good health. Think again. Everyone who just got done pumping their fuel has toxic chemicals on their hands that can penetrate fruit skins with ease. Grabbing 5 or 6 apples to find the right one, just tainted that healthy alternative into a Sleeping Beauty concoction. Mistakenly, the police suspected that the poor, dead driver fell asleep at the wheel.  

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