The United States wears the hat that is known as Canada. This shredded jester hat or cockscomb is straight across the 49th parallel for 2/3’s its length and irregularly shaped on the eastern third, dipping as far south as Winsor, Ontario. The Hudson Bay is the separation point between the right and middle floppy protrusions (liliripes) that have bells on a real jester’s hat. The 3 liliripes were a representation of a donkey’s ears and tail that were worn by the original court jesters. The multitude of islands above the mainland of Canada denotes an explosion of the middle tassel as if to denote someone who shot the fool’s hat with a shotgun, out of disgust at his antics. The left liliripe is Alaska and was foolishly sold to the US to showcase Russia’s poor political planning. It would have made an excellent, strategic launching point for the USSR during the cold War. The whole purpose of a hat is to keep the head warm and Canada’s goal in life is to insulate the US from Arctic weather and northern invasions. Does this sound foolish? When compared to the decrees that have been launched from Washington DC over the last 250 years: well not really. With that explanation of the great country of Canada, let’s look at the eastern lilliripe. With the Maritime Provinces butting the North Atlantic, Newfoundland and Labrador are a packaged set due to low populations, with New Foundland being both an island and a portion of the mainland. Farther below are the smaller Provinces of Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and the tiny, little, Prince Edward Island. Framing all these on the west is the largest Canadian Province of Quebec, about 1/6th the size of Canada and full of Frenchies. With constant bickering taking place in Ottawa, the country’s capital, it is just like the rest of the world: unsatisfied and pissed off. This is not what we are here for: discussions of other countries politics, but rather the tale of an ordinary American who went for a ride down a long road. 

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