JUNKYARDS

2/5/2020

As death slowly sips the life out of you, you do everything in your power to crush that straw. Exercise, vitamins, diet, stress removal and/or pray to continue your brief existence on this world. But sooner rather than later you will succumb to that bedsheet that is crawling over your head, thereby making death absolutely official when the certificate is signed. The next course of action is to get rid of that shell that you hid in your whole life. It started out small, soft and supple only to watch it over time become brittle, bent and broken. This vehicle no longer serves a purpose because the engine is dead and repulsive rust will soon overtake it. It must be removed from sight as quickly as it can. Today we have choices. Our human junkyards can be above or below grade, or we can get shipped directly into the smelter.  The junkyards are really a thing of the past in that all useable parts are removed immediately after death. After that, the rust is so aggressive that weeks down the road, the parts fall apart. Not good for a donor recipient when the liver brought into the operating room smells and has the consistency of a raw egg. Another drawback to this form of scrapping is that if the body died in a murder, it can be retrieved for further evidence. If you killed your spouse and you want to get away with murder, cremate the corpse. Otherwise your new roommate might be Otis. Being put in a mausoleum defies logic, as you only lease these condominium crypts. Paying more for an elevated concrete box with a 99-year lease rather than a plot for eternity (or 300 years, whatever comes first) is foolish. Common sense and human greed tell you that after 20 years with no visitation by any relative, you will be slid out of there and your condo resold. The last legal method of disposing of these husk heaps is the smelter. This rapid deconstruction process will take your 9-month assembly time and in 1 to 3 hours, turn you into a 3’Ser. SMOKE, SMELL and SOOT. 

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