SENIOR CITIZENS

11/1/2019

Completing a lifetime of manual and mental toil, the elderly are given a hall pass from any further frustration. This is known as retirement. Armed with a meager pension, Social Security and Medicare Insurance, they are dropped behind the working front, in the land of freedom, and left to fend for themselves. Initially they are ecstatic and spend the first 6 months getting up at 5AM and wondering what to do. They walk down the halls of their old employment prison and visit their former soldiers in the War of Commerce, but soon realize they are not welcome anymore. They then start hanging around McDonald’s restraunts with other retirees, drinking a $1 coffee, eating a $1.25 burrito and discussing politics. Doing this for 30 days straight will remove $100 from your fixed income, including taxes and gasoline to get there, per month. After 3 months of listening to the moronic McDonald’s Analyzers, you realize they are just repeating some journalist’s editorial and inflict great damage on the facts and figures. How can anyone really know what goes on behind closed doors in government buildings? You can’t, so you go AWOL from that group and look for new adventures. You try hanging out with the grandkids but soon realize you don’t know how to intermingle with the little brats because you spent your whole life working to support your own children. Now whenever you offer yourself up as a babysitter, your offspring jump on a plane to try and fertilize a new brat into existence in some faraway motel room. Meanwhile, their little, disrespectful brood makes fun of your recently appearing handicaps like deafness, mobility issues and those 12,000 skin tags hanging off your neck. Enough of this nonsense. They’re on their own, especially since you caught your son-in-law rummaging through your financial statements. Next stop is exercising. This involves beating your already beaten body to a pulp. It also signs you up for replacement joints. Bad, bad, very bad idea.