HOLEY COW

8/23/2019

The United States Department of Agriculture has been handed a huge undertaking in the study, documentation and policy determination of animal husbandry and its supporting industries. The driving force in this country is America’s love of hamburgers, with cheese melted on top, washed down with a glass of milk and ice cream for dessert. Those hapless cows can expect to live about 4 years with constant artificial insemination to keep them lactating to the tune of 150 pounds of milk a day in 3 extractions. After birthing their offspring to take over their roles when milk production drops, Old Bessie can look forward to a trip to the slaughterhouse and a ride on the conveyor to reduce her muscle to hamburger. Nothing is wasted as her own excrements becomes fertilizer and diesel fuel additives. Their hides will show up in car seats and biker apparel and their collagen from cartilage, bones and hoofs will be ground into pharmaceuticals and jello. The bovine blood will be rendered into products that will become fish farm feed, and used as emulsifiers, clarifiers, stabilizers and as a color additive that can be mixed in with hamburger to make it more visually appealing. The circle of life. These facilities that are spread across the country, do extensive research in genetics, disease prevention and nutritional enhancement. They include weight gain curves for different grains, bovine growth hormones and greenhouse gas expulsions from the cow. Man now worries that our prized food will cook us in methane in retaliation. They even installed clear view ports in their upper rear torso to view and sample the feed stream and bacteria present. These holely cows give scientists a front row seat to the internal workings of our bovine buddies and with a secondary viewport into the vaginal cavity, along with a horny bull, will capture some steamy cow pornography now available on the internet for a nominal fee. Complete and udder discretion is guaranteed or your money back. 

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