DOG FLU

4/16/2020

Bowser, the tan colored American Boxer dog, who belonged to Mrs. Smithe, was heavily engaged in a fit of sneezing. It appeared Bowser was showing early symptoms on the Canine Flu. The media was pulsating with hot news flashes that a strain of influenza had jumped species, mutated and had released onto the canine world, a virus that proved deadly to the doggy domain. With televised and radio talk shows brimming with discussions of sneezing dogs in their death throes and unable to control their bowel movements, the grizzly details were appalling. Thousands of canines were dropping daily from the pandemic. A scientific study was launched to understand just what was happening. The evidence pointed to a strain of virus that was common to human beings that gave them a mild cold. Somehow it had jumped to canines with a different set of protein ‘plungers’ that allowed it to gain access into dog cells and replicate itself. The cells exploded with more of these deadly invaders that dogs had no resistance to, and the mortality rate was climbing. Further study revealed that the method of transmission between dogs was not from the virus laden, sneezed mucus but rather from ‘butt sniffing’. It seems sneezing velocities stripped the virus of its corona layer and made it inert, however the gut harboring viruses were fully intact and were often inhaled. The inborn, inquisitive canine habit of ass snorting was responsible for infecting others. Once this infection method was discovered, the disease prevention program was implemented. Unable to override the urge to sample foreign crotch odors, all dogs were fitted with long stem ice cream cones attached to their snouts. This kept their noses at a safe distance from the deadly viruses hanging out by the asshole, like bums on a caboose. The pointed end prompted the ‘sample dog’ to run away when prodded. This soon reversed the pandemic and health was restored. Only one thing remained to prevent another outbreak: KILL ALL HUMANS! 

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