COPROPHILIA

11/7/2016

With another election day shortly rearing its ugly head, the American voters are taking to the polls to elect their favorite candidate or, just maybe, to elect the liar who annoyed them the least. Misinformation, skewed facts, and blatant bullshit have permeated the air waves for the last two years, but the last three weeks have been inundated with relentless retardation and the sowing of scandalous stories. Watching two candidates vie for the most powerful office is the Olympics of mudslinging, the Super Bowl of character assassination, and the World Series of empty guarantees. Every past mistake a politician has made is amplified, and then twisted into a theory of promoting terrorism, war, or racism. People of AAMerica have to understand, it is All About Money. These politicians could care less about their Average Joe constituents, their loyalty belongs to big business (after all, this is a capitalistic country), and if they happen to employ a few average Joes, then they feel a statue of themselves needs to be erected on the mall in D.C., in their honor. Most AAMericans have little knowledge of a candidate’s true qualifications and trying to get accurate information from the media is like asking your drug dealer for a list of all the ingredients in the heroin he just sold you. But in all fairness, the media can be duped too. The truth consists primarily of the rarest element ever, Unobtanium. Because of this, most people chose by party, by religion, by the candidate’s stance on abortion, or simply, by their candid performance on Saturday Night Live. No matter; when it comes to the Presidency, popular vote does not count. The Electoral College was established long ago to ensure that no honest person would ever reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington D.C. 20500. Enjoy all the verbal bullshit you have been served recently. Just remember to broadcast that great big, brown-toothed, shit-eating grin when YOUR (not really), candidate gets elected.

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