V.I.POO

11/26/2016

Before reading this nonsense, you need to watch the avant-garde V.I.Poo video.  

Done? Alright, on with the analysis. The world has reached a level of sophistication that requires a team of top scientists, engineers, marketing experts, and huge piles of capital to eliminate the embarrassment of offending others during a bowel movement. The key word here is OTHERS, because individuals who offend themselves in this situation, are totally amazed at their aromatic intensity. This leads to back tracking their culinary intake, to see if they would be able to regenerate this noxious aroma, if called upon by their government, in a time war. The next behavior is a whole slew of OH MY GODs, followed by a grin, a chuckle, and then a gut wrenching full blown laughter, interspersed by gasps of air; only to repeat the process when you realized what you have just inhaled. All of this disappears when you add another human to the equation. Now it is all about covering one’s tracks to avoid relationship-ending mortification. Thankfully, the brilliant chemical engineers have devised a magical formula to trap the odors emanating from your ‘devil’s donuts’, the splash down of your ‘ass astronauts’, or the ‘nasty nuggets’, depending on your selection of slang. If the marketing succeeds and the public is convinced, a small problem will arise. Generous spraying of the product, which is nothing more than a chemical surfactant, will release obscene quantities of this suffocating slime into the world’s waterways. Sewer treatment plants, that are unable to extract this exotic, will soon coat 70% of the earth’s surface. Sea life will die because gases cannot transfer between the atmosphere and the oceans. The last aquatic creature to survive will be the whales, who break through the V.I.Poo membrane and gasp their last breaths of life, only to die of starvation.

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