FRACKING II

10/13/2016

In our attempt to extract the most hydrocarbons from a drilled well, the development of fracking was literally groundbreaking. Tiny cracks opened up by huge hydraulic pressures and held open by Lilliputian grains of special sand, has opened the floodgates of new production. However, with these processes comes a few minor side effects and slight hiccups. Among those is an increase in the frequency of earthquakes. Numerous studies have attributed most seismic increases to discharging liquid wastes into abandoned wells, but a definite correlation exists. With scientific tracking, the frequency of earthquakes will only increase with more fracking on the horizon. Instead of doing the Chicken Little panic dance that the sky is falling, we need to direct our attention to the new opportunities that will appear. Cleaning product purchases will increase dramatically because earthquakes knock the unseen dirt off of high objects and drop it to the floor, where it will have to be addressed. Adhesive demands will skyrocket in order to glue our pictures to the wall and to repair broken objects. Colleges will be pumping out quarries of seismic and structural engineers to meet the new demands for predicting earthquake appearances and the structural enhancements for buildings and bridges. A new genre of music will materialize that will stay in the lowest octaves and keep the sopranos employed in the Christian Music venues. Accompanied by stuttering vocals with much vibrato, all bass and baritone singers will find gigs in this ‘Quaker Style’ music. But the greatest benefit to be derived will be the infusion of a more diverse human population, due to intense stimulation of the human genitalia caused by all these earthquakes. Releasing ALL eggs and semen for fertilization, who knows what lurks at the bottom of this evolution barrel. Perhaps another Oilbert Einstein will be born to humanity and show us how to squeeze out another drop of oil from this stingy planet. 

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