SHEPHERDS

5/30/2020

With all the different societies of the world, there are a group of individuals that behave the exact same, yet are from completely different tribes. This union of personalities are known as shepherds. Their careers are not associated with herding the even-toed ungulates that roam pastures. Nor do they tend to ruminant mammal members of the order Artiodactyla (scientifically know as Ovis aries) that feed on grasses. In fact, they rarely encounter these common animals called sheep. These stingy shitheads show up in social gatherings and stay in the background when the bill for services rendered surfaces. These people are commonly referred to as shepherds because, quite simply put, they are ‘sheep fuckers.’ Never one to pull out their wallets or purses to help pay for a meal, buy a round of drinks, or even chip in to tip a server, these shepherds abound in gathering places with friends or relatives. The sheep fuckers have an uncanny skill of disappearing into the bathroom, or out the door, when a vendor wishes to collect for his hard work to feed, entertain or quench the thirst of a group of people. Always knowing the generous person in a crowd, they hide behind these people and congratulate them for their unselfish act. Shepherds promise to pick up the next bill, but that pledge is as empty as their wallets, because they rarely leave home with more than 3 dollars in their possession. These sheep fuckers are not broke. In reality, the shepherds primarily have substantial monetary mountains of money in their banks and a cache of coffee cans of cash in their backyards. These frugal fucksticks are loaded with bullshit stories and lame excuses and excel at weaseling their way out of giving their fair share. When the civil guests get disgusted at their tactics, or run out of patience waiting for the shepherds to cough up, they surrender and pick up the bill. The real disgrace takes place when the sheep fuckers secretly smirk at these benevolent tab grabbers. 

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