What is spare time? Is it time you keep in your pocket? Is it time you keep in your trunk? Is it time that you throw a six to 16-pound ball with drilled holes in it, and hope to knock it down in two shots? People are always asking you to do something in your spare time, but when can you really spare some time. For humans, time is a finite, but unknown, quantity. The only ones who have a slight grasp on it are hospice patients, death row inmates, and maybe people who are seriously contemplating suicide. How much spare time do we really have? “I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD” is a popular expression; wonderfully wrong, but it sounds impressive. The earth is 4.5 billion years old, unless you are a Young Earth Creationist, then your belief is 6K to 10K years. Either way, this is more time than a normal human exists, so finding spare time in in your brief lifetime is tough. In your youth, your time is dictated by your parents, teachers, religion, and friends, so no spare time exists in this era. In your early adulthood, your time is dictated by your job, your sports commitments, your lover, and your passion to ‘find yourself’ in the midst of your youth. In later adulthood, your time is consumed by your career, your children, your spouse, and your mission in life. In your old age, your time is devoured by geriatric hobbies, your grandchildren, your ex’s lawyers, naps, and your relentless search for the object you misplaced 3 minutes ago, only to be interrupted by the realization that you forgot what the hell you were looking for in the first place. So the next time someone politely asks you, if you could help them to effectuate their aspersions in your spare time, look them in the eye and tell them assertively, “FUCK OFF, I HAVE NO SPARE TIME!” Smile an understanding smile, and continue on your search for your keys, or that misplaced ham and tomato sandwich. This will add additional time to your overall existence, because only the good die young. 

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