ADAM AND EVE

4/30/2017

In the Bible, a reference was made about the very first sport ever: baseball. The first sentence of GENESIS began with the words: IN THE BIG INNING…. It continues with a general timeline of creation. God was working overtime and pounding down some huge hours when, somewhere along the way, He must have needed some help and created an army of angels to handle the momentous, monotonous minutiae. After many hours of toiling, doing the same repetitive work, a few angels took offense to these chores and tensions ensued. Later that week, God created man in His image, and He was very pleased. The angel ringleader, Satan, thought God was wrong and called Him a narcissistic bastard. Soon all hell broke loose, and Satan and his followers were cast into the fiery pit called hell. After their banishment, God felt good, and it was good. HE enjoyed that new emotion and needed a name for it. So, God called it FUCK! God also incorporated many new uses for this word, and it soon became a noun, a verb, and more frequently, it became a stress adjective. A stress adjective is a descriptive word that emphasizes way more action on the noun that is normally available. An example would be the dog needs to go outside now. With the stress adjective installed, the fucking dog needs to go outside now. A stress adjective tells you to act quickly. God then thought man should be more like Him and should be able to fuck others, like when God fucked Satan and his buddies. So, God figured that man needed someone to fuck, so he took a rib from Adam and created a woman. And it was good. But one lone rib wasn’t quite enough material to make a woman and a brain for her, so God asked Adam for some advice. Adam said, “well, you created her so that I could fuck her, and you gave me 3 balls. So, why don’t you take one nut and use it to make the brain for the fucking woman?” And God totally agreed. So, that is why, at times, women are fucking nuts. And that is so not good.  

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