12 REASONS WHY DEATH EXISTS

10/12/2017

1: The leading cause of death is birth. Remove the urge to reproduce and birth disappears. It’s quite messy anyways. (This will NEVER happen, we’re too damn horny).
2: Without death, we would be buried in life. We would be like the poor creature hanging at the bottom of a cloud of bats. We would be covered in shit, (it’s quite messy).
3: Without death, all our sources of energy (food) would quickly be exhausted. We would have to eat the person next to us, but they wouldn’t die. They would just reside in our colon, (it’s quite messy).
4: Birthday cakes would be ginormous to hold all those candles. Everybody would be full of soot, (it’s quite messy).
5: Funerals would never exist. You would never have an excuse to run a red light, (no mess here, just disappointment).
6: The antique business never materialized. There would be no one in line ready to buy your useless junk. You would be the sole owner of your crappy shit.
7: The morgues in the hospitals would be full of frozen ice cream, pizza, and chicken. Thaw out the chickens and watch them walk away, because there is no death.
8: We would all live in prisons. If you existed forever, you would somewhere along the line, screw up. With 3 strikes you’re out and no death penalty, we’d all get life in jail.
9. We would all be deaf. Eventually, we would all be living in a mass of ancient people. The sound of all those arthritic joints moving would shatter our ear drums and leave us in a silent world.
10: We would have no use for dentists. Surrounded by whining, discontent humans, conflict would arise. Because the fear of dying doesn’t exist, we would be in constant fist fights until all our teeth are knocked out.
11. No one would work. If a job existed, there would be no sense in finishing it today because tomorrow always comes when you don’t die. We would be exquisitely lazy.
12. There’ll be no inheritances. If your offspring observes you being stupid, they will call you an idiot. 

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