CHICHA

1/13/2018

This coveted beverage found in South America has many varieties, flavors, and alcohol contents, and can be flavored with different regional fruits and spices. The chicha that came to the attention of western civilizations via the National Geographical Society, was a process used by tribes in the western Amazon basin and Peruvian Andes. The process begins with women of the tribe chewing on the washed cassava root (high in starch) and spitting the chewed liquid into a large container. The enzymes in human saliva break down the starch and convert it into simple sugars (maltose). Bacteria or yeast are added, fermenting the brew into an alcoholic drink that is consumed at religious festivals. Mountainous tribes use maize (corn) as the starch source, and all members chew to rapidly increase the volume. This unique and ancient method of brewing beer and Japanese sake has caught on in popularity lately. With the proven success of the numerous microbreweries popping up all over America, a few avant-garde corporations have recognized the high profit margins of two industries and have wed them into a new mega business. Building huge nursing homes with 100,000 patients next to formal ethanol plants, abandoned due to greener ways to produce power, they are extracting the drool from their clients and combining it with cheap corn to produce a delicious chicha. With no shortage of old, useless people, harvesting their drool has opened the floodgates of pompous profits. Unique flavors are available depending on the source of the spit stockpile. Irish Stout, Indian Pale Ale, and German Bier are the most common, but light beers from dying cancer victims are also a popular seller. For the top 1%’s of the financial elite, a secret brew is available at penthouse prices. It is made from the spittle of teenage girls who perform fellatio on professional athletes. The combination of ejaculate and drool are fermented into a product known as a PRO-TEEN SLURPIE.

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