LONGEVITY II

3/11/2018

The machinery of aging is driven by the laws of thermodynamics, and no one can stop the process. Humans should really attempt to extend the productive and pleasure-filled portion of their presence on earth. Currently there are only 3 viable ways to increase this premier life era of 35 to 45 years of age in their lifespan. The first 2 involve astrophysics and the current theory of relativity first brought to light by Albert Einstein. In order to decelerate time in this desirable decade of decadence and delight, one must approach the speed of light to attain this goal. Currently no chemical propellant comes anywhere near the energy necessary to achieve 186,282 miles per second; not even a supercharged Porsche. It is also extremely difficult to carry on a conversation or interact with someone moving at that speed, so that idea is stupid. Method 2 is using extreme gravity to bend space-time so radical as to slow time. One method proposed is to lasso into earth’s orbit opposite the moon, a mini black hole. The exposure to extreme gravity waves for half a day would stretch time, however, the effect on ocean tides would be devastating. Imagine 3,000-foot waves coming into Manhattan twice a day, and again, this idea is stupid. The only one that shows promise involves the pharmaceutical industry and its knowledge of brews and potions. With profit the irresistible force, it wouldn’t take long to concoct a 500mg dose of ZOMBIECET. This drug eliminates sleep and is only approved for people 35 to 45 years of age. It would only extend their waking hours by 1/3 in that decade, but the accomplishments will be amazing. Holding 2 full-time, unrelated jobs and partying like a Boulder Star (one magnitude bigger than a Rock Star) for 8 hours, this
generation of ZOMBIECET druggies would jam a lifetime of mastery and fun into a decade. If this sounds like the 90’s with rampant cocaine abuse, well it kinda is. Ask anyone who survived this era and they’ll agree.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s