Western society has seen fit to allow the future dead to make decisions about their own impending corpses. In the majority of countries, the usual tradition is to bury individuals in marked graves within 2 days of death. But, in America, with tight timetables and busy weekends, death has become a time convenient industry. These funeral directors have “undertaken” the responsibility to properly dispose of the corpse in a socially acceptable and scheduled way. The new choices are burial in a crypt below grade or a mausoleum above grade, using embalming methods to extend the funeral time so Uncle Joe can attend. Cryogenic preservation (extremely rare) and cremation round out the disposal methods. All of these are in violation of an unwritten pact between the individual and their helpful friends, the beneficial bacteria that reside within their bodies. These industrious, one-celled creatures have established, eons ago, a relationship that allows them to live within the host’s body and are supplied food, which they return energy back through chemistry. The grand prize is at the end of life. Free reign is given to the bacterial boys to devour the fleshy body. The last blast. Now, humans are reneging their contracts by burning the buffets (cremation) and poisoning the host with embalming fluids. Like the American Indians who were deceived repeatedly, retaliation is in order. Indigestion and acid reflux are warning signs of a treaty being threatened. Digestive diseases and organ cancers are the battle scars of a bacterial tribe on the warpath. Without intervention, the body’s calvary (immune system), will fold from the onslaught of billions of berserk bugs hell bent on destruction. General Cruster will perish again. While lying in your hospice room, think about how your bacteria has taken care of you for most of your life and don’t deny them that which they have earned. Give them their due and allow them to turn you into a delicious cake and eat it too.

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