MARSHMALLOWS

8/20/2018

The soft, confectionery treats composed of sugar, water, protein, and air that make people happy with their shape and flavor are a reminder of one’s youth. Sitting around the campfire, either with the Scouts, the family, or friends, marshmallows bring pleasant thoughts to people. Their construction is similar to building insulation: trapped air inside a cellular structure. The process starts with collagen, derived from dead animal protein taken from skin and the connective tissue. These bundles surround muscles, organs, nerves, and bones, preventing friction amongst these moving components. This imparts the squishy texture and is coated with corn starch that prevents sticking. The air inside is pulled from the atmosphere containing roughly 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen. Substituting pure nitrogen with nitrous oxide (N2O) in the cellular walls of a newly concocted product, called SMELLOWS, produces a feeling of euphoria. The nitrous oxide is released from the chambers and gets into the lungs where it is transported to the brain through the blood supply. The result is a happy, drunk feeling. Although non-addictive, it can be abused which causes people with business degrees to market such products. The end result is a creation of SMELLOW BARS serving these products to the public. The good news is that future alcoholism will decline because it was the vice of the older generations. As a new form of entertainment, young people will flock there and get high. Going outside for 10 minutes will wipe out the buzz and the user will be OK to drive. The drawback to this new entertainment is that the government restructured the tax rate to compensate for loss of revenue from alcohol and charges 5 bucks a Smellow. This created a “white market” where rural farmhouses are turned into SMELLOW LABS. The FDA has hired swat teams to search and destroy these illegal operations. They are run by bogus Boy Scouts in fake uniforms and counterfeit merit badges on their sashes. 

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