FEMININE FUNCTIONS


8/25/2018

The complexities of procreation occur in cycles, and nearly 400 opportunities exist for egg fertilization in a woman’s lifetime. That would put Octomom to shame if successful just 10% of the time. One stage of this “period” is the time of shedding the uterine lining, thus creating blood flow that exits through the vagina. This development that lasts from 2 to 7 days nearly every month and has a time interval attached to it that is labeled by the woman during this process. It is THE CURSE. Over the centuries, natural products have been used to absorb the blood flow and the natural cleansing fluids (leukorrhea) that the cervix secretes in order to flush out the vaginal tract. Cotton, cloth, rags, newspapers, and dried stalks are still used as external absorbents. Tampons made of cotton and rayon are used internally and, in 1937, menstrual cups (latex and later silicone shot glasses) were introduced as an alternative. Today a new product has appeared to address the discharges of the female sausage wallet. They are known as MR. SENSITIVE. It is a 5-inch-long silicone doll that resembles Barbie’s boyfriend, Ken, without the clothes. It is inserted headfirst up the vagina during the first day of the period. Pulling repeatedly on Ken’s pliable crank activates compressed air that expands his legs and arms outward, thus holding him in position. The head is filled with holes that maintains a vacuum, thus sucking any liquid into his torso that is filled with a coagulant and a desiccant. The fluids solidify and in time turn into a powder. Simply deflate MR. SENSITIVE, remove him and squeeze. A cinnamon-colored powder will spray from his rear exit, thus emptying the device and with a quick rinse, it’s ready for reinsertion. MR. SENSITIVE is a term given for the unused, packaged model. Placing him up the vaginal tract, and locking him in place, advances him to the MR. IN-SENSITIVE mode where all men are right at home when it comes to understanding women’s needs. 

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