WINTER

10/26/2020

Bone-shattering cold, blustery winds that extract body heat like a cold shower, clogged roads, and vehicles sliding sideways on an icy thoroughfare. Sneezing nostrils that dispense viruses like drugs at a rock concert. Respiratory infections that make you realize just how valuable oxygen really is. Coughing up a lung that has grabbed your spleen on the way out and threw it on floor. Snow. Darkness. Overcast daylight for a few hours and then darkness again. Analyzing your every step on a terrain that looks like a mirror; without your internal command center ever vigilant, your new BFF will be an orthopedic doctor that you’re gonna share your wealth with. Padded, oversized clothing hanging over every chair near the exits. Obscuring clouds of your breath that fog up your glasses and windshields and decrease your ability to see as if the darkness wasn’t enough. Hot soups and drinks that burn off the sacrificial layers of skin attached to the inside of your mouth, and somehow cause a sore throat similar to swallowing a handful of roofing nails. Soft, fluffy snow that needs to be cleared off your driveway immediately or you’ll end up with a car frame bending material that is harder than granite (ice). Canceled meetings that are only canceled after you spent a tense 1-hour ride reaching your destination. You are rewarded with a sneeze to the face by the only other idiot who shows up. Sniffles. Low light levels that’ll make you squint and guarantee 2-feet deep, crow’s feet at corner of your eyes. Multiple funerals to attend as the last season weeds out the weak. Salt-stained carpeting and puddle-stained flooring that’ll require time and money to clean and repair. Athletic friends that call you up and want you to go sledding, skiing, and skating, all on the same 3-day trip through a blizzard.  Coming home to an icicle infested house that froze because your boiler broke 10 minutes after you left. Coughing. Taking out the garbage and then taking out your ACL. WINTER??