KIDDE CARS

11/1/2020

The middle-class people on planet earth are a lucky bunch in that their economic barometer allows them to slightly spoil their children. After delivery, which needs to be forgotten because it is painful, gross, and was installed by nature to remind the female she doesn’t want to do that 29 more times. It is quite effective. Anyone who says childbirth is beautiful is either a king who gets another servant, or an obstetrician driving around in a Lamborghini. So, when the babies come home for the 1st time, an all-new world is there to greet them. A new crib, a brightly painted, sex-matched room, an appropriately designed wardrobe, and toys, lots and lots of toys, to entertain the little tyke for eternity or until boredom sets in, whichever comes first. With parents hell bent on making junior’s life so much better than their own, this kid is going to the stars on a red magic carpet. Once the little freeloaders start exercising their lungs at 3 in the morning, most all plans of having a large family are dashed. We’ll just settle for this one and 1 more when momma gets really drunk. The toys keep coming as they age, with more mental challenges being incorporated to develop that gray pudding in their cute little craniums. The same stuff that figures out how to wreck things daily. In time, most parents figure out that no matter how much effort is instilled in their training, they are just going to grow up being… us, organic beads on a lifelong necklace that tarnishes and drops off daily on the far end. Hence the toy choices change. No longer seeking toys that will educate; selections are made to carry the little disruptors as far away from home as legally possible. Anything with wheels is a plus. Skateboards, roller skates, bicycles, and unicycles are encouraged in the summer. Ice skates, sleds, and toboggans are purchased for northern climate winters. Everything is aimed at getting the little aggravator away from the house and out in the wild where they belong.

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