In the hierarchy of Duck society, quacks are placed near the top because of their extensive education and training. With nearly twice the schooling of a high school dropout, medical ducklings are burdened with debt as they emerge from their rigorous education and wings on training. After years of long hours and intense residency, the quacks are ready for their own practice. Starting out, they disperse into the duck world until they settle in and slowly build some clientele or continually drift around at various medical facilities. There is no shortage of ducks requiring medical intervention; life’s tribulations saw to that. A raft of quacks are, after all, ducks, and ducks sometimes make mistakes including amputation of the wrong limb, leaving surgical instruments inside the patients, having patients fall off the operating table during surgery, and accidentally drilling holes into the spinal cord thus promoting paralysis. Surgical procedures WILL increase the likelihood of death, and if the quack holding the scalpel has his mind on a T-time or hot nurse stashed in a hospital closet, someone’s in trouble. No worries, though, as the Good Ole Duck Dynasty watch out for each other, and if brought in front of peer review board, a simple, “don’t do that again” will suffice. The Duck-o-cratic oath about doing no harm does not apply if loads of loons are at stake. No pain, no invoice (gain). To be fair, the vast majority of duck doctors carry ethical standards and a tad bit of compassion into their field of expertise. Because, after all, you can’t save the world and nobody gets out of here alive, so it is fruitless to carry a burden as ridiculous as solving all the medical problems that abound. Nature’s been around for a long time and knows the game. All you can ask from the educated world of professional duck medical experts is to self-police and remove the errant and greedy quacks from the flock immediately or risk a world of flightless ducks.

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