QUACKS

9/9/2018

Once upon a time in DUCKCITY, there existed advancement of the sciences, including the science having to do with the anatomy of the inhabitants of DUCKCITY. The best, and not always the brightest, chose careers in advancing and practicing this new field. The first order of the educational system in charge of this operation was to describe conditions and symptoms in a forgotten language. Over the years, the lay duck population spoke Donald Duck, but the teachers elected to indoctrinate their pupils in Daffy Duck, a language that made no sense to the average Donny Duck. This way they could communicate without the hoi polloi understanding WTF they were saying. The next order of business was to experiment. Surgical procedures were attempted on unwitting ducks to gain knowledge and test theories. One procedure included tying up internal organs with strings to the rib cages when it was noted that the organs had dropped lower into the duck body causing illness. The real reason that the organs had dropped is gravity and this particular misdiagnosed malady was known as ptosis.  The next chapter in the duck revitalization project was teaming up with chemical companies to produce drugs that somewhat mimicked what former proteins in the body used to do. Some attained acceptable results while others created a plethora of medical problems and generated wealth for malpractice duck lawyers. The expansion of the industry took place right after the jungle war with the Asian ducks, when great money could be had in this trade. Ungodly sums of loons (a coin form of money) could be earned while doing unnecessary operations. In the waiting rooms, the medical staff were given instructions to get all their ducks in a row. As the duck population expanded, many ducklings choose this field for guaranteed wealth and became quacks. There were enough loons to go around that the quacks could now afford 3 or more divorces and still wouldn’t have to give up their BEAMERS.