REMODELING V

10/5/2018

During the lifetime of an adult, whether male or female, there is a deep-rooted urge to express yourself to your acquaintances as a unique and solo individual. Either through fashion, physique, or your dwelling, you wish to display your distinctiveness. As a homeowner, nothing conveys this better than a remodeling project that illustrates your style. Because most people lack design and construction skills, they must hire out those artesians who excel in these specialties. The end is determined by the means and, in this case, the means is a big sack of loot. For the poor and homeless, remodeling is finding a new refrigerator box and strategically adding it into your conglomeration of plywood shipping crates and plastic tarps. For the middle class, it is using magazines and TV shows to mimic the current trends and add a touch of individuality. For the rich, it is purchasing the perfect lot, tearing down the existing structure, and hiring the best architectural and design firms to build the Taj Mahal. John and Jill Normal tried to combine the last two for their upgraded kitchen. Big mistake. The end result was a project that went twice over the projected cost and still isn’t finished. Their marriage suffered devastating and inconsolable damage. John is now a puppet to Tiffany’s design rants and sleeps in her basement being enticed with sex, but never getting any. Jill lives with Richard Recardo, the remodeling contractor, who did her project and is now doing her. Although she is attracted to him because of his flannelled good looks, he’s as shallow as a saucer of soup and as vain as a rooster on a roof. The dream house is on the market at a reduced price because of Tiffany’s outlandish style and Richard’s substandard work. Their credit is destroyed. Their outlook on life is grim and their happiness is forever gone. All this just to fry an egg and peel a banana in a new environment. Take a lesson from the Normals and, if it’s functional, don’t funk with it. 

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