REMODELING

9/27/2018

John and Jill Normal woke up one morning and thought it would be a really fine idea to rip their completely functional kitchen apart and pour an estimated $32,000 into a brand new one. So, the next week, they embarked on a trip to the bank to supply the loan officer with an encyclopedia of personal, financial information that they protected religiously from their own families. This total stranger then grants the loan to accomplish this dream and starts charging a usury interest rate as soon as the ink is applied. 3 people are happy. The operation begins in one month as permits have to be begged and scored from government officials who pump out 40 minutes of pure work a day, 2 days a week. Another 2 weeks go by as the contractor uses 10 novel excuses for not starting when he promised. Finally, the crew shows up, but must be retrieved from the neighbor’s property because they have the wrong address on their cell phones. Good thing they weren’t home. By 10AM, the 3 crew members who don’t speak a lick of English start tearing into the kitchen. They were given 1 hour of instructions that no one wrote down from a bilingual foreman who just left to meet with his parole officer. He’ll be back at the end of the day. The drywall ceiling came down in record time after being exposed to a 20-minute bath from the sink faucet that broke on account that the falling ceiling fan landed on it. The interior thunderstorm played havoc with the ankle bracelets that 2 of the demo crew wore. No cops showed up, so 2 people are happy. By the end of the day, the former functional kitchen now resides in the dumpster that is sinking into the asphalt driveway out front. A repaving salesman drives by and drops off his business card in triplicate. One person contemplating a lead is happy. The Normal family comes home from work to see a disaster in its infancy. With no lights, and a pile of digested tacos stacked up in their toilet because the water is off, 2 people are unhappy.