CARS XI

12/27/2018

A slightly hung-over Don Smoltz went on an expedition of discovery around his 1974 Pontiac Grand Am and noticed that his left fender had more wrinkles in it than normal. This was good because flat steel is relatively weak. Putting folds in metal gives it a 3-dimensional robustness that helps it survive battles. Don was pondering his accomplishments of last night’s encounter with Mr. Avian. Mr. Smoltz pulled a PIT (Pursuit Intervention Technique) maneuver on him, although, in that day and age, it hadn’t been invented by law enforcement yet. Recognizing Jim Avian’s BEATER going down the main drag around 10PM with little traffic, Don pulled next to him in the right lane of a 4-lane highway separated with a grass manicured median strip. Once alongside, Jim looked over and recognized Don next to him. He flipped him off, which is the universal sign for, “let’s rock.” Don responded by dropping back 2 car lengths and punched the throttle, instantly putting him bumper to bumper. He then slammed on the brakes until his nose was even with the back of Jim’s right front tire. A hard left followed by a stomp on the gas and Jim’s BEATER was locked into Don’s dynamo. The fatal arrow was inserted. Using physics that the public school slammed into Don’s head for the last 4 years, he first braked lowering his front end until it was just behind Avian’s steerable right front tire. He then turned hard left and surged into Jim’s right fender just behind the wheel. This gave a lifting force that gave Don’s ride a distinct advantage. Don had 2 steerable wheels, one with the additional traction of some of Avian’s car weight on top of Don’s left front. Jim had only his left tire to steer away from the median’s curb on his left. He steered right for life. Don spotted a flower garden up ahead and waited. At the precise instant, Don pulled a hard left, driving Jim into the flower bed and then right to release himself. Mr. Jim Avian was pushing up daisies. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s