POLAR PACTS II

1/19/2019

The early 1970’s proved to be a turning point in the delicate balance of peace between the 4 superpowers of the polar regions. The discovery of vast quantities of oil in the north slope of Alaska by humans created an opportunity that was quickly grasped by the dictator of the Penguins: Kim 2 Songs. As the Homo Sapiens discussed the environmental impact of tapping this huge oil field for the prolific profits that would be realized, greedy humans preordered 4-foot diameter pipe sections 40 feet long from Japan. These pipe sections were loaded onto ships for delivery to multiple US ports, so as to not arouse suspicion amongst the human otter huggers. In 1973, the greedy humans devised a scam called the OPEC OIL EMBARGO to push the pipeline through against legitimate environmental concerns. Kim 2 Songs saw this juncture and soon struck a secret deal with the Orcas to steal the pipes. When the laden ships were close to the continental shelf of North America, the Orcas would ram the vessel and knock the pipe loads into the water or sink the ship altogether. The penguins soon built up a huge arsenal of stolen pipe in the northern hemisphere. The stupid humans kept buying more pipe thinking it was just bad luck with their staggering losses. As the underwater warehouse grew, the Penguins hired electric eels to weld the sections together and blue whales to pull the completed sections towards Antarctica. In 1983, the pipeline was finished and a natural siphon effect due to the oblate spheroid shape of the planet created a pipe transporter from the South to the North Seas. Kim 2 Songs instructed his subject penguins to entice the enemy Seals to chase them right up to the pipeline entrance where the powerful suction pulled them in. After a 3-day journey, they were deposited at the exit where hungry Polar Bears waited. The scene was reminiscent of Grizzly Bears gorging on salmon at rivers, except in this case, they “Sealed the deal with a meal.” 

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