LONG PIG II

2/1/2019

After World War II, stories circulated about a cannibalistic tribe that resided in the central Pacific Ocean, and up until that time, were unknown. They remained obscure because they ate all the evidence of their cannibalism. The tribe was known locally as the Blujoobs and were much feared by fellow islanders in the area. Peace existed in the area because the non-cannibal people learned early on that donating your handicapped tribal members appeased the Blujoobs and, thus avoided warring hunting parties. It was known as the “ARMS” for SECURITY INITIATIVE. The motivating factor in the Blujoob’s search for “new meat” was its collection of extremely well-trained chefs known as DAHMERS. This group was always looking for foreign dishes to experiment with and earned quite a reputation with its vast array of delectable recipes. An Inuit from North America who had enough of the cold weather, took his kayak south to seek better living conditions. He was attracted to the island inhabited by the tribe thru walrus calls and was soon captured. The Eskimo was then basted with egg whites from seagull eggs and cooked with vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry flavors. The delicious dessert was known as a Baked Alaskan. Rumor has it that Amelia Earhart inadvertently landed there and was quickly served as Pilot’s Soup with braised Sea Urchins. The one that got the tribe in trouble with the United States military was when a party of survivors from the USS Indianapolis washed ashore and a giant buffet was held. Sailor Stew with shark fin was the special of the day. To retaliate, the military detonated 23 nuclear weapons over 12 years in an attempt to decimate the cannibals and their ghastly culinary techniques. The Bikini atoll massacre was nearly successful in eradicating all the inhabitants and sous-chefs remaining. A few escaped to other parts of the Pacific and took with them new techniques for cooking. Today’s DAHMERS are skilled in using X-rays for reheating. 

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