INVASIVE SPECIES II

5/20/2019

The heavily overcast day, that barely produced enough light to tie a pair of shoes, was not conducive to Theodor’e Koobiak’s (10D) retirement day. After 42 years in the construction trades, the physical toll on his body was staggering. With joint after joint failing and being replaced by elements and alloys that have no right being in a human body, it was time to hang up the tools. As pain shot through his body with every sloth-like movement, Ted paddled over to the kitchen table to consume his new breakfast for the rest of his fixed income life: cereal. Using his rebates from the local home improvement center, he stocked up on 21 boxes of low sugar cereal to try and attain a healthy lifestyle in his dwindling days. Using skim milk and organic grown fruit to make the cardboard crap palatable, Ted was on a mission to try and collect as many pension and Social Security checks as life would allow. Consuming these low fat, high fiber breakfasts with fresh fruit, Mr. Koobiak was in a DEFCON I mode to protect his heart against errant invaders threatening to close his blood vessels. That wasn’t going to happen on his watch. With a breakfast and dinner routine that was going to be fat free, the only bump in the road was the few beers he would have when the boys stopped over and a big glass of wine nightly to take the edge off the pain before he went to bed. Ted figured he’d get in an easy 15 years of monastery living in before the grim reaper started looking for him. What he failed to see was his stealth government noticing that he was no longer a substantial taxpayer but rather had become an economic parasite. Collecting money instead of paying taxes, and saving money instead of spending, Ted was designated a RETIREE 4F: destined for termination. Through misleading information and his diet, he was now consuming 2 ounces of pure ROUNDUP per day. Monsanto is about to pull this useless weed, Ted, from the planet and save the taxpayers money. 

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