HAGFISH II

7/18/2020

The year is 2032CE and the world is in turmoil, the likes of which never have been seen before. The United Mistakes and her allies are in a full-blown war with Chinka, a new world power. Brewing for 50 years, the tensions between the 2 superpowers exploded over trade restrictions imposed by each other. The Chinks geared up for mass production of Wartmart-distributed trinkets in the 80’s to satisfy the materialistic AAMericans demand for cheap shit. Being saturated with population, the Chinks built huge factories with Western capital and created immense quantities of shitty crap to pacify their frugal neighbors across the drink. Once a manufacturing icon that won WWII through mass production of weapons, the United Mistakes got lazy and shipped it off to heavily populated, poorer nations. All was good, until the greedy got greedier and introduced tariffs that shut off the poodle farms that fed the communists. Chinka retailiated by declaring war. With billions of soldiers ready to march on U.M. soil, everyone knew that nuclear and viral weapons would not be used. The planet would die, and all bipeds would be wiped out. Therefore, this would be a conventional weapons war. Outnumbered 4 to 1, the U.M., years ago, had foreseen this and had prepared for this scenario. In underground cities at the Nevada Test site, created by 828 underground nuclear explosions, lived 1 billion Corkreans, raised on their favorite aphrodisiac, hagfish. With 28 years of raising well fed Corkreans by pouring cheap hagfish down fissures in the Nevada desert, a young, slimy army waited in the wings. When the invading masses of Chinks landed on all the Califurna beaches, they were met by hundreds of millions of viral, screaming soldiers that dragged a trail of slightly radioactive slime behind them. The poor Chinks never had a chance and were consumed by the horrible hordes of hagfish-fed soldiers that bored into their fleshy bodies and sucked the life right out of them instantly.  

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