HAGFISH

7/17/2020

These slime shafts have to be one of the most disgusting animals that ever crapped the planet. Nature has specialized this critter to the point that it gave up improving this model 300 million years ago. With a cartilage skull, no backbone, oversized skin that can absorb nutrients better than its own digestive tract, and a couple of raspy, boney plates in its mouth that can chew up meat, just like a rack and pinion gear on a misplaced human finger. That’s just the highlights. The added option that this fish possess are even more ominous. Alongside the length of this eel-like carrion cruncher, is a series of ports that will secrete out a concentrated protein that serves 2 functions. 1). If a predator thinks that this wriggling mass of oceanic piranha style feeder is tasty and bites down, out comes the slime. Special cells instantly unload a protein with the consistency of human mucus, but as it reacts with water, the volume increases by 10,000 times. This ghastly goo fills in all voids and plays havoc with the predator’s gills. Choking and rapidly retreating, the attacker did no harm as there is no bone structure to crush, and the oversized skin just pushed the underlying tissue out of harm’s way. 2). The slime also resists an injured creature’s defense mechanisms that are excreted as the hagfish starts eating the unfortunates from the inside out. Luckily these pathetic pacmans are ocean-dwelling only and have been known to turn a drowned soul into a cadaver with the consistency of a wet sock. Just think if these demons lived on land. You’re riding your bike in a park and your front tire falls off. Over the handlebars you fly, and you break your pelvis. From the soil comes hundreds of terra firma hagfish. They simultaneously bore their way through your flesh and start consuming you from the inside out. As you rip out any hagfish you can reach, another takes its place. Within minutes, you are an empty slime ball with hagfish tails hanging out like greasy hairs. 

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