THE HISTORY OF CRACKERS

7/24/2020

NO! This has nothing to do with Caucasian “mastas” who flicked long whips with tips that exceeded the speed of sound, thus producing a cracking sound. They and their history have been outlawed. This is the chronological history of flour powder that comes in a multitude of colors, shapes, and flavors. This period comes after the cavemen, who were basically hunter/gatherers that did no farming. The first archaeological find of flour was 30,000 years ago, about the same time when the cavemen got on their spaceships and headed off to Mars. After they built their canals and ravaged the planet of all the Martian fauna, they refueled the Tesla Transporters and headed off to Alpha Centauri. But that is another story. Flour, the crushed-up remnants of either cereal, seeds, nuts, or bone, is a nutritional staple that can be easily stored and transported. It is the perfect food that restores energy in an individual. Containing complex carbohydrates, fiber, protein, and vitamins, this substance can be prepared as biscuits, breads, cakes, pasta, and pastries. The one flour that contains the most energy out of all of them is the powder that is extracted from the coca leaf. With further processing, cocaine can be cooked with baking soda and other chemicals to modify the brain’s neurons and morphs them into morons. This modified cell structure then steals the energy in an individual and promotes rapid self-destruction. The product is crack, and the user is known as a soda cracker. In time, these crackers will break down and crumble their lives and families away. Becoming stale and undesirable, the crackers only future is to be tossed into the soup of sadness as the broth removes all flavors of civility. The end result is that the remaining crust (body) that lies on the stainless-steel counter (morgue) will be carted away to their grave by the lone a(u)nt, who saw fit to bury her niece or nephew, that all the other family members have disowned years ago. 

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