Somewhere in a world that borders on daily annihilation, civility has raised its handsome head and congeniality has softened the road more scenic. This is a movement brought on by a woman, no doubt a liberal arts major, who saw fit to decorate the landscape with small, smooth river rocks containing motivational and behavior reinforcing writings on these rocks. They were intended to be a personal canvas for people with artistic skills and folk-art formats, for making lives of complete strangers more rewarding. However, due to some oversights in this theoretical concept, this train has derailed. The first miscalculation was that all hikers are Michelangelos with a Shakespearean vocabulary. As an aficionado of the outdoors, the idea was to gather some smooth stones, take them home, and paint them with pastels and vibrant lettering. You were then to go hike down and hide these treasures along the way, but not too hidden, so they could be easily found. On them would be a few words of encouragement for the next hiker who came upon them. SMILE, I AM LOVED, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL, and WORLD PEACE are just a few of the catchy phrases that would heighten the feelings of the tramper. The trouble was that most health nuts and dog walkers are too busy, or unskilled, to create these gems, so, low and behold, the internet stepped in. Now, thanks to 3rd world labor, you can buy a quarry’s worth of Kindness Rocks for a grand or 2. With unit costs as low as $1.49 each in huge quantities, it didn’t take long to piss off the John Muirs of the world who viewed them as litter. As soon as the human war gene was activated, the nature trails were becoming littered with dead bodies from both sides. Unknown to this person with admirable intentions, she did not understand the velocities that Kindness Rocks can attain when human violence propels these missiles at their enemy’s craniums. Blood stains on America’s scenic hiking trails signify that another good idea was misinterpreted.

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