By word dissection: a coward is ward of a cow. With a ward being a legal term for a minor or mentally challenged adult. They are then placed under the capabilities of a government chosen protectorate. These guardians could be court appointed and be an individual or a recognized office of authority. Deciding whether or not a cow falls into this designation, the cow must go through a scrutinizing process and a determination will ensue. If the cow is assessed to be responsible enough to oversee a retarded or immature human, then that person becomes the ward of a cow or coward. If not, the cow is rejected, and another government body or official is selected and then they become the spokesperson for that individual. Sometimes the rejected cow cannot understand how it did not meet muster and will file an appeal. This case is put on the court docket and, after several months, a hearing or trial will redecide if that rejected cow has been erroneously mislabeled. Meanwhile, in this situation, the ward is in limbo because fairness and the law dictates that a cow is innocent until proven guilty. In most instances, the cows are exonerated because the female of the mammal species is usually deemed loving and an excellent protector. Evolved with 4 teats and a current capacity to produce about 7 gallons of milk a day, the cow is an excellent source of nutrition and its 1200–1500-pound weight is a deterrent to any predator. Cartoons and fairy tales do not portray cows to be evil creatures and nowhere in history have episodes of unsociable cow behavior caused the National Guard to be brought in. Let’s face it, there is a surplus of defective humans on this planet and steps should be taken to mate these poor souls with their own personal cows for wholesomeness. The fringe benefit of having all these cowards amongst us would be that war and violence would be a thing of the past and the planet would be awash in individuals who love life and will shy away from confrontations. 

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