FARM TRACKERS

8/26/2021  

The current push in Congress is to get billions of dollars out to minority farmers as compensation for stealing their farmlands away from them. Decades ago, the banking lobby pressured the politicians to enact laws that allowed banks to foreclose on their mortgages and take back the farmer’s land through debilitating debt. The combination of the 1930’s depression and the dust bowl conditions of the Midwest returned huge acreage of minority farmlands back into the bank’s asset ledger. This current act of unselfish humanity comes at a time when printed paper money, unlike toilet paper that experiences shortages, has a never-ending supply. They can’t give the shit away fast enough. The plan is to give these funds to people of flavor (color), thus increasing the size of their current arable farmlands and to supply capital for new farm equipment. The first one gearing up for this demand is an implement manufacturer from the Dairy State. They are now designing farm tractors for minority societies and have brought in professional marketing experts who know what those people want. The Latinos can now order INCASE tractors with low rider capabilities. With a flick of a button, the tractor’s front end drops down rapidly and starts to dance. Included in this model is a Chihuahua shaped microwave oven that dispenses heated tacos out of its bouncing head. The Asian model can go out in flooded rice patties, harvest the rice grain, and mix it in with vegetables, meat, and the stalks that have been converted into Chow Mein Noodles. Up to 73 different versions of these meals are available, all augmented with a fortune cookie. The Black Trackers have the most options and come in either Pearl White or Crime Time Midnight Black. They are adorned with gold trim and can be ordered with impressive spinner wheels that keep rotating even when the Tracker is stopped. All models carry a 5-year Grill to Hitch warranty and include cup holders for beer and flask holders for hootch. 

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