THE BIG MAN III

10/10/2021

The scenario is as such: we have 2 crooks with a stolen 16′ statue of Paul Bunyan loaded in a borrowed truck, trapped behind a building.  The only exit is blocked by a befuddled wife trying to make sense of a recent crime scene. Her husband, who was evidently upset by his quick exit from the lounge, was short on patience. Again, he hollered, “get in the car!” She replied, “but honey, there was a big man here.” They must have been married for a while as his voice raised more and this time he snapped, “get in the car bitch!” As she turned to enter the Buick, the 2 villains observing the argument that was unfolding, heard her say just before she got in, “but there was a big man standing there when we went in.” The 2 nitwits breathed a sigh of relief as the Buick drove away at the speed of fight. Here was their escape window. With Fred behind the wheel and drunken Jimmy in the back hanging on to Paul, they turned right on to the 4-lane highway without a left-hand turn access point. Fred had to drive down a block before the city engineer gave him a place to make a U-turn. Pumped up with adrenaline, Fred made the directional flip a bit quick, and he heard a loud thud. Looking out the side view mirror, he saw Paul Bunyan laying in the middle of the 2-lane eastbound direction. Drunken Jimmy lost his grip. Not one to give up, Fred did 2 more U-turns and weaved through backed up traffic to pull alongside of a 16′ fiberglass man doing a pushup on a major State Highway. He slammed it into park and headed for the back of the truck. “What the fuck did you do?” Fred hollered at sheep-grinning Jimmy. “I couldn’t hold on,” replied Jim. This was no place to start an argument as the highway started to turn into a parking lot in both directions. “Get him back in here!” the panicked Fred barked, and they reloaded poor Paul B. back into the rear of the truck in front of a grinning audience of 30 strong and continually growing. The big man was loaded again, just like Jimmy.

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