10/10/2021
Freddy determined that on a Sunday evening in mid-October, this would be the best opportunity for kidnapping Paul Bunyan. The lawn and garden center would have been closed all day eliminating any employees from being present. Also, the sun sets around 5:30PM at that latitude suppling darkness at a reasonable hour, so as not to involve the nosey, 3rd shift Barney Fife crowd (cops). Securing a pickup truck on a Sunday afternoon to move a bedroom set was also feasible as Rick Random, the owner, would swallow the story hook and line from a stinker. Leaving his car as collateral, Fred told Rick to meet him at their favorite bar at 7PM to exchange vehicles, whereas Fred would then buy him a few beers for his generous act. At 5:30PM, Fred proceeded to pick up Jimmy James who was half drunk at the time. Arriving at the heist site at 6, Fred hid the truck behind the garden center building with the tailgate down to afford a 10′ surface to transport a 16′ man. They both walked over to Paul, watched for a break in traffic, and cut the chain. They then walked back to put the bolt cutters under the seat and waited for the right opportunity to load him up. Just then, a car parked on the 4-lane highway right in front of Paul B. As the husband driver and passenger wife got out to go to a night club next door, she looked up at the behemoth and the pair walked into the bar. “Let’s roll,” said Fred to Jimmy and they timed their maneuver to the highway traffic. With Paul loaded in the back feet first, it was just a matter of timing to exit the lot. But wait. The couple who parked right in front of the statue were coming out already. As the 2 thieves were peering around the corner, the husband got in while the wife just stood there staring at the empty light pole. The irritated husband rolled down the electric window on their luxury, Buick 4-door and hollered, “get in!” But his wife just stood there, staring at the bundle of chain on the ground and a barren sign pole.
Torked Truth 