THE BIG MAN V

10/10/2021

The crowd roared and threw witty comments to the 2 police officers who were delicately sliding their victim into the back of a full-sized Suburban ambulance. The very first Silver Alert was invented here, back in the late 70’s. With Paul Bunyan pushed in as far as he would go, his protruding head and torso was tied to the vehicle because these people are professional transporters of human life, or reasonable facsimiles. As the people moved back to allow the ambulance to embark on its mission of mercy, the policeman behind the wheel directed the vehicle, not to the hospital, but rather to the cop shop.  The vehicle straightened out, and the officers couldn’t resist; they turned on the revolving red lights heading eastbound towards Paul B’s prison. He was looking skyward, hanging past the rear doors by 7′ with his arms outstretched to the heavens. They did not have enough ground clearance to transport him face down, just like he was delivered. So there Paul Bunyan went, sirens screaming as the crowd’s eyes were filled with tears, only from laughing so hard. The owner passed the 2 culprits and said with a grin, “good one,” and went inside. Rick Ransom who was standing there had no idea what that meant. All he could do is laugh and say how cool that was. And then it hit him. He figured these 2 were the ones who pulled it off and said, “how did you get him here?” This caused the pirating pair to bust out in laughter again. He looked at the cackling crooks and then he looked at his pickup truck parked 30′ away. He looked back again and yelled, “you fucking assholes!” and stomped off towards his truck, fuming and swearing. As he passed the chuckling clowns, he heard 1 of them say, “hey! You fucked up. You trusted us.” Rick didn’t speak to them for months, but it became a story for his daughter to be told in her future as he gleamed every time he drove her past that returned statue of Mr. Bunyan. “See that,” he would say. “Your dad was involved in his heist.”

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