ANTS

3/2/2022   

The picnic pirates are a hexacrus (6-legged) breed that defines all insects. These sugar swipers number around a billion billion (no idea who counted them) and are an industrious little congregation of over 12,000 species. They are the original trucking company devised by nature, capable of carrying over 50 times its weight in stolen goods and have but 1 job: CARRY ON!  Over the centuries, these buggers have split into 2 factions: union and non-union. Whenever rural food has to be carted off and competition is low, non-union ants run the roost. Unobstructed in their efforts to cart off people food, the unorganized ants are free to grab whatever they can and it’s totally up to them if they wish to save for a rainy day or live for the moment. On the other hand, union ants belong to the Teamsters Union and pay dues, which means some of their earned goods is saved for them in the future to be distributed in the later part of their 4-year existence. This supplemental income is known as a pension and, unlike government agencies that have a constant supply of extorted revenue (taxpayers), this may or may not be available to the older ants. This availability of funds depends on what casino they invested in and the integrity of their particular mob that runs them. Another fringe benefit involved is medical insurance that is available to the ants when they are completely healthy. If, however, some misfortune should befall an ant that has been crushed by an annoyed human, then the widow ant gets compensation for her loss. The only problem is that all worker ants are female. Therefore, all ant relationships are lesbian-orientated and insurance companies do not recognize same sex alliances. So, these ladies are sperm out of luck. In a democratic society, ants have a right to join unions and receive higher wages that encourage ants to purchase desirable, lakefront property. If messed with, their enemies may end up sleeping with the fish in their waterfront environments. 

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