SONGBIRDS

2/28/2022     

The North American land mass contains over 100 different types of songbirds, or birds that have precise control over a specialized auditory organ called a syrinx. It uses this (pipe) organ to produce an entire spectrum of sounds that form a vast array of calls used for communication. At 1 time, it was thought that only male suitors sang to entice female recipients. Further study revealed that females could also sing but refrained from doing so over the centuries because it attracted the dangerous bipeds and their domesticated killers, known as cats and dogs. As the male sang his lungs off boasting about his magnificent pecker, the upright, featherless troop and their pets would show up and make a meal out of “Boisterous Bob the Bird.”  The smarter egg layers thus kept their beaks shut and survived only to die later without a male “dodo” to propagate the species. Once the flightless, fat chickens showed up, the songbirds were then largely ignored. They then flourished and with them, 55 million Americans showed up to spend $4 billion to feed the desirable breeds. As usual, the 2-legged oafs fucked it up again and brought on population increases in their rodent cousins: mice, rats, squirrels, and chippies. They love bird feed and now, the hairy-headed assholes have created another problem for themselves. Very recently, scientists have noticed a drop in songbird populations, and it is cascading across the continent. Suspecting poisoned bird feed revealed this was not the culprit. It took but a decade and 98% of the songbirds were gone. After many years and a boatload of hefty scientific donations to find the problem, it was solved by the Alpha Generation. Born between 2010 and 2025, this hapless group had an aggressive male population that grew up in the Covid Pandemic. It seems that face masks (lung diapers) were mass produced to the point that they were everywhere. Well, these little shut-in, shitheads were bored and turned these into wrist rockets. Bye, bye birdie.